When should I tell my new boyfriend about my DUI?
I have started seeing the man I really like and I am a very open person about everything in my life but here is my question: I have recently got a DUI (my only violation of traffic or any laws in my life) and I know I've made a mistake and I am very sorry of it. But I do not want to hide anything es...
I have started seeing the man I really like and I am a very open person about everything in my life but here is my question: I have recently got a DUI (my only violation of traffic or any laws in my life) and I know I've made a mistake and I am very sorry of it. But I do not want to hide anything especially with the court day approaching. I know I'll need to tell him about it if I want to be honest in the relationship but how do I do it and when? I mean I cannot just say - oh, yeah, honey, I've got a DUI hearing next month. But on the other hand wouldn't it also be a test to see if he really likes me though I've made a mistake and honest about it?
No judgmental answers, please - I am to face the judge soon anyway and we are not all perfect.
Thank you
Just come right out and tell him that you made a mistake and you are very sorry and ask him if he will come to court with you and support you. If he does, you’ll know that he’s genuinely interested in you.
Umm. ASAP!
What if he wants to go somewhere with you, but needs you to drive?
Tell him ASAP.
Tell him, "this is really hard for me to tell you but I need to be honest with you and……"
You could be blowing this up in your head.
Everyone stuffs up sometimes, just tell him about it, it’s not like your a rapist or murderer.
He will probaly think its not a huge deal and be upset if you dont tell him.
ask him for a ride…
Tell him straight out, if he drops you because of it thats his mistake, besides, what will he think of you if you try to hide it?
you must be up front and open and tell him now!! If he really likes you then he will be there for you. It sounds like there is more to the story then you are stating though.
you should tell him before the two of you go out drinking again… so he can drive.
You should just honestly tell him about it.. If he really cares about you then there is always a way to get over it and probably even support you with it.
just go up to him and say, ive got caught drinking and got a dui, show him the ticket and say hope it doesnt change anything between us… if he really likes u, it wont change a thing… also ask him to go court with u, goin to court is scary, well for me it is lol ive got to go in a few weeks for a speeding ticket
Everyone makes mistakes, and there a lot of people, especially lately with how much they are cracking down and zero tolerance, that have ended up with DUI’s.
Don’t consider you telling him a "test"…that isn’t fair to him. He has a right to feel however he ends up feeling about it…and it is ok to bring up casually, look at a calendar and say oh crap, I’ve got court next month…then when he asks for what…tell him you are totally embarassed and tell him why…
for all you know he has one in his past and can offer you advice.
If you think its a serious problem and u might do it again and want his help then u can talk it out as a serious matter… otherwise just tell him casually one day…. I don’t understand why ppl want to know everything as they happen about each other in relationship.
This is a tricky question. I think this is very personal information, and although you don’t say how long you’ve been dating, it seems this is a fairly new relationship. On that basis I would not tell him until and unless I had to. We’ve all made mistakes in our past, and it’s clear you are sorry about your DUI, but do not use this as a test case to see whether or not he truly accepts everything about you. Give the relationship more time and get to know each other better, and then decide if you want him to know this about you. You may end up having to confide in him if your driving privileges are revoked, but hang in there. If he loves you, he’ll understand and be supportive of you, whether he likes what you did or not. It could sabotage your relationship if you lay this on a new guy and he could freak and worry that you may have other, worse skeletons in your closet. So I say bide your time and see what happens. You’ll know when and if the time is right.
This is a strange question. Did you have plans for the hearing before you met this man?
Do you attend AA, as the judge will ask you this? Do you know how serious these cases can get, you will be lectured, do you really want this man there to hear the very stern lecture you will receive, at the very least. Because it is your first offense, you may get the minimum requirements. I would be prepared. You may have to sit through some awful cases, of repeat offenders, and wonder why the judge is so calm with these offenders, and upset and harsh with the first offenders. The repeat offenders have been to prison before and they are usually there to try and get their license, or were caught driving without a license, and are already in the jurisdiction of the DUI court.
No one is perfect. Do you have a lawyer? I don’t think you do, or you wouldn’t be asking here. If you do have a lawyer, it is their right as to whether they want to include him. You can take other closer family members, as this can help, and the judge wiil be less harsh in his lecture. Your sentence won’t be as harsh as the lecture, although first time offenders can lose their license up to at least 30 days to three months, and spend 30 days in prison. It depends on your demeanor and your attitude. Dress nice, and speak politely. Attend an AA meeting, as you have a month to prepare.
I knew someone whom lost his job, because he lost his license and couldn’t commute to work. He lived far from his work, and his boss intervened after three weeks, and arranged transportation for him from neighboring workers.
He moved closer to his work, as soon as his license was returned. He was terrified of a DUI, and .08 law, before anyone knew how it was. I knew, because I knew him. I attended court once with him, as he did have to check in. He said they were much nicer to him, as someone was with him. For me it was awful, and I’d known him for some time. It was very depressing and it portrayed him in a totally different and not pleasant way. I also attended a few AA meetings with him, and these were interesting and sometimes fun. The people were all different and all there were nice. Some wore black nail polish, some wore business suits, all walks of life. Everyone was very understanding.
It is your choice.
Speeding tickets are different. They take DUI cases very seriously.
NOW!
Tell him, as soon as possible.You will feel better about it.
tell him it was a mistake =*)
Hi Lina
I go by the 6 month rule. Is this going to be as big a deal in 6 months as it is now? If not, just let him know. Your human, your entitled to a mistake. be upfront and honest. Its the best you can do, and just sit him down with a cuppa. If he doesnt deal..well, is he going to be worth it in 6 months time?
Best of luck grrl
If I was your man I would want to know. As Cheesy as it sounds, honesty is always the best policy.
Ur new boyfriend should not be judging you anyway. U made a mistake who is he to get mad. If he breaks up with you because of that, then what is going to happen if you guys have really big issues.
Just tell him. I’m sure its not really that big of a deal. Your not the first and you damn sure wont be the last.